Sometimes I feel like I do nothing but work on proposals and submissions.
If you don’t put your work out there – somehow – it’ll all just sit on your desk.
But if you spend all of your time working on getting it out there, you have no time left to create.
In Istanbul, I kept talking to my friend Jeylan about cycles of creation/absorption. (On my mind because I wrote about it in – go figure – a recent grant proposal.) Over the last few years, I’ve definitely done some creation; but I feel like things have been skewed towards absorption. Absorption of theater as an audience member in Berlin, in Chicago. Absorption of other theater artists’ techniques as an intern, as an assistant director. I’ve absorbed a lot and I think I’ve changed a lot and I am ready to shift over to a rhythm that’s heavier on the creation side for a while. But I’m finding the transition tough. And now I just hang out and write applications and proposals.
Maybe self-producing is the answer. (Then again, that’s what a lot of these proposals are for.)
Maybe the answer is just more discipline.
Maybe the answer is a variety of projects with different rhythms. Maybe I’m working on one major project collaboratively (the fracking play?), one major individual project with no set deadline (Pittsburgh Harry or any of a million other plays swimming around in my head), and something smaller, faster, dirtier, with more immediate results (like the apartment plays I want to do).
2012 is coming. 2012 will be a year of making things.